Donate

Personal message

My name is Bianca Goodson, from Gauteng.

My parents taught me that there are consequences for the decisions that you make. Whilst trying to instil this lesson in me, my parents would always say; “that’s why it's important that you make the right decisions.”. My parents failed me because they made it seem that the right decisions don’t have consequences, or at least not so bad consequences … my parents were never whistleblowers.

I made a decision in 2016 and the consequence was trauma with the resultant medical condition being PTSD... PTSD has the following stages, according to google …

1. “Emergency” stage;  
2. Denial Stage; 
3. Short Term recovery; 
4. Long term recovery

Trauma is defined (again, according to google) as a deeply distressing or disturbing event that often results in a form of loss.

So, what happened to me is that every time I experienced or was threatened with a loss, I went through all of the above stages. For example:       

• I experienced all these stages when I resigned from Trillian and lost my source of income.
• I experienced them again when the Public Protector called me;        
• I experienced them again when I got divorced;
• And again when I lost my job at Sage;
• And again when I had to sell my house; and
• Again when I couldn’t find another job.

In between these distressing events, I sometimes get work and feel that I am in short term recovery again – I have a purpose and can look after my daughter and me.

Then I can’t seem to find work and go through all this again …

I am tired of these stages and I need a break! I have got to the point where I can not ask for any more money from my dad’s pension, to support myself and my daughter. I feel that I am at the limit of compromising my relationship with my best friend because he too, has loaned me so much money.

And worst of all, I owe my abusive ex-husband money for my daughter’s school fees.

I don’t know what else to do to get work. I started a company, responded to RFPs, applied for jobs, created websites, looking to earn cash from public speaking.

So now, I find that I am losing two things that I have held onto for a very long time – my skills and my hope.

I know that my skills haven’t changed, but clearly, a consequence to me speaking out publicly has made these skills associated with this person, redundant and unwanted. I can't fake it anymore and my ability to hustle further has been exhausted. 

To pay off my debts, I have to sell my house. I can not use the proceeds to fund any other home because I have these debts and living expenses to consider first. Hence, at the age of 41, I will seek free refuge with my parents.

Today, with tears running down my face and no hope left, I realize that my decision to do the right thing and speak up against state capture has resulted in me moving 500km away so that I will no longer live with my daughter, selling the only place that gave me refuge and thus giving up my independence.

I am gutted and broken.

Should this campaign be successful, I will use any extra funds to support other whistleblowers who find themselves in a similar situation.

I have detailed my journey thus far here: www.biancagoodson.com

 

Donate to this charity

Donations

Donate to this charity